Be a PARENT, not a pal!

Parents, you are the most important influence in your teen's life. We hope that you will find the information on this website valuable and educational. Please use this forum as a place to discuss your concerns and as an opportunity to support each other!

It is hard to monitor your kids 24/7, but most of us try to keep tabs on where they are and who they are with. When teens are in my home, I try to monitor in a reasonable way without smothering them. It is a fine line to walk. It is also helpful to network constantly with other parents regardless of how well you might think you know them, without being nosey or gossipy. It can't hurt to make it clear, even to your best friend, your feelings and wishes on parenting and underage drinking. Dont assume anything. The parent you have known your entire life may have different philosophies than you. Parents need to stand together. I hope this website helps toward that end.

I just try to let my kids know that they can talk to me about anything. I don't get specific, but I let them know that I didn't always make the best choices, and I don't expect them to .... I only expect them to try. Then to call me when they don't.

It is very difficult to stay with the process of reasonable monitoring... I think that as your child goes through high school, it might be helpful to begin to give the teen some trust as he or she prooves himself, worthy of that, without smothering. However there can be much said for not letting your guard down either.

I see many empty bottles and cans on the side on streets so I know underage drinking is happening. No surprise. Talking to my children has always been so important. Early drinking is so closely related to alcoholism later in life so abstinence is our goal. My kids say drinking is prevalent so I continue to let them know the best action is to leave the home. I ask my kids to wake me up when they get home to assess and also so I know they are home safely.

Too bad there isn't a scientific course of action that will produce wonderkinds of society!! but since this is an imperfect world with imperfect people, it's all in learning respectful communication and requiring it at all times. I have found keeping a friendly relationship as an authority figure seems to work best and of course, model the behavior you so desire. when I was a vigilant, fear-based mom, all kinds of problems occurred! So we walk a tight-rope of sorts, because I believe these young adults need to know we trust in their decisions before leaving home. There's an amount of faith needed to carry out the job! And communicate with the parents in a friendly fashion. You will ultimately be making decisions just for your own family. Have courage to do the right thing.

I can't believe the stories I hear. There are so few homes I want to send my kids to, the parents seem so unaware of what their own kids are doing. I'm not claiming to be perfect, but I think parenting is constant maintenance. Yes, it's hard and yes, it's exhausting, but it's not like we have a choice. If we have children it is our job to protect them and watch over them.

Having established a close and loving relationship with my daughter based upon listening, guidance, active mentoring by excellent teachers and role models, an active spiritual life and the importance of family, high school past with great personal and academic growth but infrequent drama and trauma. Admitted to a very demanding college program, my daughter was stunned and saddened to meet so many troubled students making seriously negative decisions. It has been loney at times. Not drinking, partying and hooking-up has made establishing relationships difficult. She gets many pleas for advice and counseling which are far more complicated and emotional than her age and experiences had prepared her to handle. Close high-school friends that share values and behaviors have been a tremendous framework for her during her first year at college. Many times she has had to indepentently assess troubled students and behaviors in order to avoid negative situations and relationships. She has confronted some very difficult decisions that she made on her own, so personal character and strong preparation has been crucial. Our family never realized how lost, emotionally immature and deeply irresponsible many students are when beginning college. She is grateful for many of the choices I made in parenting her. Many troubled people and behaviors will confront your teen as they go to college, so prepare your teen well for high-school and the years ahead.

What about the atheletes on high school teams that are involved with drinking or doing drugs. An example is, on my sons' soccer team (premier travel)that is run by the city parks and recs, we have a player that is undisciplined on and off the field. He has been busted in school for drinking (suspended) and doing drugs. The parents don't seem to do anything because they don't know what to do! Also the coach of the team does nothing. He is allowed to play and in fact is very aggressive and has to be restrained and physically removed from the field by his teammates. There is no mention of how or where to get help.If other parents say anything or his teammates say they are not comfortable with him being on the team it falls on deaf ears. If the parents eyes are shut than the child gets away with doing whatever they want. No consquences.

Trust your children,let them leave the house when they want. Set a reasonable curfew, 11:00pm. Do not annoy. Give them privacy. Treat your children as a friend and a parent. They are not just your child, they are a person too! Dont think of them as "burdens". If you didn't want childrens you should have kept your pants on. Let them live a happy life, dont be too protective they can handle themself. Parents are usually the main reason for children cuting themself and suicide. Do not be over protective!